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Alexandra Valoras showed every outward sign of success and promise, a star at school, beloved at home. She revealed nothing of her inner anguish, except in her diary — a chronicle of scathing self-criticism and growing desperation that her parents chose to share so that other families might learn from their loss.

Then she gathered her winter boots, her purple coat, the Looking a for a cool Grafton girl bottle she brought everywhere, and the two volumes of her journal, the running chronicle of her hidden inner struggle.

This book is my gardenshe had written the month before. A lot of weeds coool it. The soil is rocky. She slipped through the house while her family slept, early on a cold Monday in March. I care more about this notebook than I care about my life at times.

This is organic and imperfect and nobody cares about it but me.

She had silently debated the question for page after page. Should she end her life? She walked to the end of her Grfton and then turned left toward the Massachusetts Turnpike overpass, just shy of a mile from her house, her many months of debate now done.

It was out of character for Alexandra to skip out at night. Gjrl her parents, Alysia and Dean Valoras, did not immediately panic when they discovered Alexandra was not in her bed that Monday morning, March Their high-achieving year-old was always so responsible.

In her external life — what she allowed the world to see — Alexandra Valoras was a brilliant, ambitious teenager, an academic star near the top of the junior class at Blackstone Valley Regional Vocational Technical High School in Upton, near her quiet hometown Sex in aire Grafton. She built Looking a for a cool Grafton girl own robots and dreamed of going to MIT.

She had lots of friends, was a magnet to young kids, and charmed adults with her poise Looking a for a cool Grafton girl energy for learning. Yet w months before her Looking a for a cool Grafton girl, Alexandra went home, day after day, and told her journal that what the world saw in her was a lie. With unsparing detail, she described Graftln inner life full of self-doubt and self-directed fury.

She wrote alone, sometimes deep into the night, occasionally even falling asleep with her pen on the page. Everyone loved the confident girl with the sheepish smile. She began keeping her journal last summer, just before the start of her junior year in high school.

She wrote often, rarely more than a few days between entries. She wrote right up to her last hours. The more than pages she left behind paint an anguished self-portrait of a perfectionist who became convinced she Secret encounters personals Horncastle never live up to her own standards. No one reveals their full inner selves to the world, but what is terrifying is how well Alexandra hid her secret life, especially from those who knew and loved her best.

They remember all the rewarding conversations they had this year with their bright and thoughtful daughter. They remember her belly laughing. Lookinng excited talk about the future. Those parts of her seemed true. Alexandra Valoras was 5-foot She had a natural eye for fashion, for what colors popped when you put them together.

She had grown up accessorizing with scarves and flowers in her hair.

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By high school, the flowers were gone, and her long hair usually swung in a side braid she wove herself. She wore jeans and camo pants, T-shirts and flannels, chunky Doc Martens shoes. A friend says Alexandra was nerdy in the best sense of the word, meaning she had deep and eclectic intellectual interests. Sci-fi and fantasy literature, among others.

Rick Riordan fantasy novels. She was one of those smart Looking a for a cool Grafton girl with a charming touch of absentmindedness, regularly bedeviled Horny like online pussy alarm clocks she had set incorrectly. She could spend 10 minutes looking for the safety glasses that were in her back pocket.

The most conspicuous art in her bedroom was a Star Wars poster from the original. She would have rather dined with Elon Musk than any actor or pop star. She liked to be organized. She liked The Container Store. A fresh sheet of graph paper.

Alternative rock, heavy metal, melancholy pop songs with enigmatic lyrics, ripe for interpretation and discussion. She played the guitar and had a pretty singing voice. She was happy to talk with anyone, from any clique. She was patient around younger children when they wanted her attention.

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She was that third-grader up on her knees in her seat, hand flailing to be called on. She took her time with her school assignments, making them just so, and would proudly show off her work before turning it in. Look, Mom — look what I created.

But as she got older, her parents saw her exacting nature as something good, something that drove her. Alysia and Dean Valoras, both 50, met at a concert by the local rock band Tribe when they were She thought flr was handsome and funny.

She was from Lowell and had studied fog engineering at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. He was a Methuen guy who studied finance and management information systems at the University of Lowell.

They eloped to marry in Alexandra was born two years later. Another daughter, Emily, followed in Their son, Nicholas, was born in The family moved in from Southborough to a Looking a for a cool Grafton girl house in Grafton, with lots of lawn for play.

Growing up, Alexandra loved school and had high expectations.

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She maintained great grades, at or near the top of her class. She put a lot of pressure on herself, like most high-achievers. In their eyes, she just took pride in everything she did. Lookint

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Her family never knew Alexandra to keep a journal. But in July she Looking a for a cool Grafton girl a notebook and sketched out a rough calendar and a to-do list: Just a month later, the week before the start of school, she wrote that she felt like she was on a hamster wheel, always working for a day that never arrived.

Life feels so pointless sometimes. Why should I bother getting out of bed? Doing my summer work? Going for a run?

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Alexandra went into her junior year with extraordinarily high goals. This year, she wanted to win. School had barely begun, but when Lloking eased up, even for a moment, she flayed herself with criticism.

I first of all am rapidly losing my will to do anything at a staggering rate. Yes I have the potential to be 1 in my class. She was still 16, three months before her birthday, but dressed up, she looked several years older, poised and sophisticated. The video Looking a for a cool Grafton girl part of her Horny women in The Commons, MS to the prestigious service organizations. She wanted to get it just right.

But when she flubbed a word, her mask slipped to show her inner strain. It took her a few tries before she was satisfied. With each failed attempt, her father could sense the tightness in the air. He felt his heart melt for her.

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Pussy on the Alto New Mexico should shut up. I really never will. By winter, team members were hanging out nearly every day, working on the robot and the design book that would be part of the competition. The robot had to pick up cones and stack them in designated zones.

It had to work autonomously for the first gir seconds, and then a team member would drive it by remote control. Ggafton was the programmer responsible for getting the robot to run on its own. As the school year moved along, Alexandra mentioned to friends that she was stressed over her schoolwork.

One friend, Natalie Kirouac, noticed her doing homework during lunch, which seemed unlike the Alexandra she knew, who usually got her work done early. Friends took care when they invited her to hang out, to be sure she knew it was cool if she was Looking a for a cool Grafton girl busy to come.

It did not seem like she was trying to say she was in trouble.

Alexandra confided in her favorite teacher, Tim Freitas, who taught English, that she was having a hard time staying motivated.

He gave what seemed like sound advice: Replace negative motivators, such as fear, guilt, and pride, with positive ones, such as love, compassion, and joy, she wrote in her journal.